LucasText: The Complete Series (UPDATED LEGAL THREAT EDITION)

The full archive of , Aussie Ben‘s shortlived pictorial placing dialogue from our favourite LucasArts adventure games in the real world.

Dear N-Chicken,

It was pointed out by one of my friend’s over Xbox Live that you’ve used a picture of me and Mr Bill Gates taken in November 2001 when I was one of the first in the world to get an Xbox (and a free tshirt / dogtags / games :-p, such are the spoils!) and have added some retro looking text to it. Not only is the joke therein unfunny it’s also misrepresentative of my gaming allegiances and character. Please write to me for permission once you have taken it down. Thanks.

See y’all round.

From

Lee (X-tag: LeeX81)

Update #1: And I Bet He Never Played Monkey Island 2, Either

Ben: I know it’s nearly impossible for you to tell, but we’ve changed the LucasText picture. The random gamer who was pictured with Mr. Gates wrote in complaining that he was in a picture, so we carefully extracted him and replaced him. I don’t think you’ll be able to tell the difference.

We argued upon replacing him with the fat kid from Hey Dad, Nudge, Ben Oxenbold, Alan Jones, T.T., Peter Andre, a Jack o’ Lantern, Timber, The Little Mermaid Album Cover, Both Members of They Might Be Giants, The Larch, a cabbage, Groucho Marx, TV’s Batman and the entire cast of Hey Dad. We still couldn’t decide, so we’re going to post some other alternatives. Stay tuned.

Hi,

Thanks for addressing the issue I raised earlier. Although I find the manner in which you have dealt with the complaint a tad childish and immature, I thank you for taking it in a good way. See ya round on Xbox Live maybe? You have my X-tag. :-)

Regards

Lee Thomas

Update #2: *GASP!* What’s that in EB? It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…

Mister Bung: By day he’s a mild mannered geek, enthralled by his Magic: The Gathering collection and his book of Family Matters cast autographs, but once he’s ‘et up all his Cabbage he becomes…

CABBAGE MAN!
FEARLESSLY PLAYING XBOX EVEN IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THE MORNING!

Stay tuned to the same Cabbage Channel, same Cabbage Station for more Cabbagey Adventures!

Hello again,

Having written to you on the topic of the missapropriation of my image on your website, and then had the matter apparently resolved, I was somewhat annoyed upon refreshing and reading your latest update. Cabbage man? Magic: The Gathering? Hey man, I don’t judge, but that Bungholio writing that update doesn’t look a whole lot better than me, so he shouldn’t really be likening my picture (taken almost 2 years ago!) to a vegetable. Looks like he needs a shower and a haircut.

If you wont stop, then I’ll go pursue less gentlemanly avenues to have all offending images removed.

Regards

Lee Thomas

Update #3: An Apology to Cabbage Man

Alastair: It all began with a harmless comic. It showed Bill Gates with Some Other Guy, playing an Xbox and quoting Monkey Island 2. Some Other Guy stumbled upon His picture and objected to the use of His likeness. We of The Rubber Chicken had no desire to offend anyone, so we disguised Some Other Guy as Cabbage Man. He objected to being portrayed as a cabbage. What on Earth were we to do?

Luckily, our good friend Chad McCanna lent a helping hand by completely replacing Some Other Guy with a giant penguin. We hope this sets matters right once and for all.

Update #4: SHEBANF AND BATHTUPS FOR ALL! (Exept Mr Nobody)

Mister Bung: Since Mr. Nobody declined the use of his image in what is arguably the greatest website in the world (that’s us by the way), we’ve taken to amusing ourselves by removing him and placing humourous and also funny objects. For example:

Keep your eyes peeled for more!
(Although not literally as we cannot cover the legal costs. Thank You and Good Night.)

Ben: I’d just like to point out that we also had to update with this because we were receiving complaints that the previous image was offensive to penguins. Surely an image of a kitten squashed in a glass wearing 3-D glasses will fix the problem?

Update #5: Do Something Controversial Day

(Contributed by C. McCanna)

The Lee Thomas Saga continues in the related links below.

More Lee Thomas Fun
Lee Thomas: A Tribute to a Hero (Flash Movie)
Mailbag: Lee Thomas Fights Back
Lee Thomas: A Musical Tribute
Lee Thomas Fan Art

You might also enjoy…
Media Hoax: John-Rhys Davies in Star Wars Episode III
MSN Prank: Bung’s Intranetweb Shenanigans
Dogs of Console War

Or explore The Rubber Chicken’s best work from the past decade.