Vent Your Spleen Until It Ruptures: The MX Letters Page

Australians everywhere (provided they live in Melbourne, Sydney or Brisbane and use public transport) know mX – a delightful, informative and totally free daily newspaper available at train stations. Subjects span US celebrity gossip, new product lines, US celebrity trivia, sports, photographs of people in their underwear, US celebrities launching new product lines, photographs of US celebrities in their underwear, and sudoku.

Particularly worth reading is the the letters section, “Vent Your Spleen”, where fellow commuters write in to send messages to strangers they met on the train or discuss the news, politics, trains, celebrities and celebrities on trains.

Ever wanted to see what that letters section looked like, but too afraid to pick up the copy that shifty old man left on his seat with a copy of Big & Bouncy wrapped inside? Wonder no longer!

	My train was three minutes late again today. This is an outrage! - John Steja, Penrith
	Oh my god, today I was on the train and this fat lady tried to sit next to me. It was disgusting. Fat people should sit by themselves in the three-person seats. - Skinny
	Am I the only person who has seen an alarming increase in the number of top hats on the station platform? You look stupid, people. - Gamen Rider, Bronzebane
	Has anyone else noticed that if you take some letters out of “CITYRAIL” and put in a few more and rearrange them you get “TERRIBLE”? Just saying. - Beard, North Ryde
	Hey, you in the hat: You suck! - Rokem, Cabramatta
	I really need to whiz. CityRail should install tubes that just “plug in” and away the whiz goes under the seat and out of the train. - L. Kidby, Sydney
	Now, I’m not racist, but I think if we designated special carriages for the brown people we wouldn’t have rap-blaring radios infesting our trains. - Con McWhitey, Blacktown
	EVEN BEARS HATE TRAINS - H.B. Bear, Magic Forest
	I do not approve of the shenanigans afoot in the latest train timetables. - Jan, Viewville
	Everyone who writes into mX with complaints about trains should shut the hell up. If you like walking so much, why don’t you MARRY it? - Debbie, Gelatin
	To the girl who takes the train to Redfern every morning and wore a pink shirt last Tuesday: Your hair looks stupid, and your shrill voice is way too loud. Tone it down. - Bogan the Barbarian, Mulleton
	People who talk loudly on phones on the train should be eviscerated with the sharp end of a rusty tuba. - Jim, Sydney
	Today I went on a train and did not have a bad time. What a surprising turn of events! I also approve of your many articles on that Lindsey Lohan. Keep up the good work! - Hastings Hatsworthington, Hatville
	To the woman in the red hat that takes the 8:47 to Central: I can’t stop thinking about you. - Not Creepy, Hatville
	Brains brains brains brains brains brains brains brains brains brains brains brains brains - Frank, Willamette
	Dear the delightful woman who takes the 4:23 to Whimsyville every Thursday: Go take a bath and lose some weight, you unwashed filthy pig. - Charming, Broodshire
	YEAH WOO HOO GO THE BLUES - Bobistair Braid
	I swear I saw a guy huffing paint on the train today. Why can’t police control the Aborigines? - Bomfunkington, Hatville
	These late trains are so annoying! Get your act together, government people! Augh! - Angry, Geocity
	I disagree, Pedro (mX, Tues). I can think of THREE things worse than people kissing on the train! Rape, child abduction and gay people kissing on the train. - William, Gibsonton
	Everyone who writes to this magazine anywhere, anytime, ever, is a complete whiner. If I want to lick myself on the train, I can. It’s a public place. - J. Frog, Michigan
	Do you like cheese? I do. I eat it on the train. It’s delicious. - Rosso, Marrickville
	No offense, but turbans freak me out! Let me do a cavity search or take them off, people! - Reasonable, Hatville
	To continue my letter from Monday, you know what I really hate about trains? The trains are always late and I hate them! What a waste of money. - Bob, Hornsby